Homecoming Dance

I just realized that all the dramas I had up until now and the dramas I have now are from the home coming dance during my freshman year... Everything started there. Ever since then, and after the freshman year APA dance, I didn't want to go to any of the dances...
But I did anyway. And every time, I found myself sad. I didn't want to go to Sophomore year home coming dance, but I did anyways. Not there to dance, but I just went... and I got depressed. Same year APA Dance, I guess I could say I screwed up, but in all honesty, I wasn't ready. Junior year homecoming dance, I didn't want to go, but I went anyway. And I got really depressed. I knew I would be depressed if i went, but I just... had to... I couldn't help but bring myself to deepen the wound in my heart. Same thing for Junior year APA Dance...
And even this year, I'll be the same way... maybe not to apa dance, but homecoming dance for sure... I know I don't want to go... but I probably will anyway. And this time, I'll actually participate in dance, but not because I want to or enjoy dancing, but probably because I don't want other people to know that I'm sad.

Since my freshman year, a lot of things happened. and a lot of things I've done piled in my heart, some heavy, some light, but it all piled up.

If I had a chance to go back in my freshman year and relive it, I'd really want to, but I'll probably say no... because I'd have to go through the pain again.

All the things I know and feel and acknowledge are things I know and feel and acknowledge only because I went through those situations and dramas. Without them, Joe I know wouldn't be the same Joe I know.  But at the same time... I wonder... if there is anyway I can reverse what I did. And it pains me because I know there isn't any way. How Ironic.