So the more I think about what I do, the more I realize how masochistic I am.
It's not like what I think about makes me happy, but I think of those things anyway.
It's not like what I seek answers for make me feel happy, rather, I know it'll make me even more sad and heartbroken, but I seek for those answers anyways.
It's not like the pictures I see and memories I think back to make me happy, but I still look at those pictures and think back to the memories and imagine myself doing something different anyways.
And it's not like I can change the past by remembering and imagining myself being in that situation, but I do anyways.
It's not like all these things make me happy, rather, they make me feel mellow and gloomy and I know doing those will make me feel that way, but I do anyways.
sometimes I feel the exact same as you. it really is hard to stop. sometimes i feel like making myself miserable is an addiction
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